Saturday, October 29, 2005

Till debt do us apart

Rose was dressed in her best red gown with a small red purse to match. The people at the shop had found it amusing that she would buy a dress that was two sizes too small. But they would never realize what it meant to be her. They would never realize how difficult it was to find the right person with all her excess baggage. Her mother kept saying that "The rejections were bound to stop someday." She was still beautiful at her age. 'Most boyfriends stared more at mum than me.' The thought somehow made her laugh. She had finally found an online friend. He was unlike anyone she knew. She had fallen head over heels when she saw the small display message in the messenger. She'd been smart enuff to put a very hazy picture in her display. He'd never ever notice those huge pimples. But today was D day.
She sat alone in the ice cream shop next to the counter. Two stools away was this nerdy looking creature who alternated between looking at the door and his watch. Thank god rogeo wasnt like that. It couldnt possibly be his real name, but he was so cute that it didnt really matter. The doors kept opening and closing with couples walking in and out. This was after all the hep place to date and she had her sisters Visa. Of course he'd insist to pay the entire amount. But she would stand firm. He'd finally get his way but she'd wave the card around a few times with an air of importance.
Just then he entered. she felt as if her knees were made of jelly. Thank god she was sitting down. He looked around the entire place and then saw her waving frantically. For a moment he looked surprised but then his puzzled face turned into a smile. This was luv at first sight.
"are you rose83?"."and your Rogeo?".
"Hi, pleasure meeting you, you look just like in the picture, a little plumper though. Thats what I like in a woman." God this was heaven. Couldnt life always stay this way.
Just then a cute looking lady entered the parlour. Nerd almost jumped off his seat. She almost felt like laughing at the poor girl. Imagine being saddled with that poor excuse of a guy. The lady entered and froze looking in Rose's direction. 'Aha! look at what I've got lady, but he's all mine. better luck next time, sister'
She turned and found Rogeo (or whatever was his name?) staring back at the lady. This would not do. The cute lady stormed out and Rogeo ran to catch her arm. 15 minutes of shouting, weeping and cajoling put things in perspective. Rogeo and the cute lady were a couple who'd just broken up. From the conversation it seemed that they were getting back together. Rogeo turned and mumbled what was meant to be an apology.
Rose was crestfallen. She turned to the ice cream parlour and ordered a double sundae with extra chocolate. She wouldve gladly doubled the order when she heard a stitch give way. Ok that was that. There would be no insult added to injury. she trooped to go, when the parlour guy called out to her. The double sundae was not for free you see. She put her hand into her purse, only to find a tenner. She then realised that she had her sisters credit card. The parlour owner gladly took it and swiped it and gave her the slip to sign. She signed it and patiently waited while the guy talked to his owner.
The owner then walked up to her and asked her "Maam are you Maria Fernandes". "Nope I mean yes". 'How dumb, it was Marias card after all.' Well maam your sign doesnt match and infact nor does the photo.
Could this day get any worse. " Well, its my sister's card and she said I could use it". 'What a dumb explanation.' The shopkeeper thought the same because he returned the card and said " Sorry Maam, We cannot accept this". 'This was the limit. They'd now call the police who'd arrest me and put me in jail for years on end. Somehow jail food could probably help me reduce. God how can I even think of such a thing. Why does this happen to me?'
Jus then someone placed a 100 on the counter. She turned to find that it was Mr. Nerd. He too looked like he had had an ice cream too many. 'God, this was awful'. Now she'd have to thank the guy.
"Hi, Im Ramu, Ramu Srivastava. Your Mrs. Fernandes's daughter right? Ive seen you". 'Eeks how could you live with a name like that and how did Mr man-with-the-personality-of-a-doorknob know me. He explained that he lived just across the road in one of those swanky new row houses. He had given dad a lift to the station sometimes. We walked out to this most gorgeous white Honda City. He opened it with his remote keychain and there I was in the seat of luxury. It had a much better system than the one at home and the guy wasnt too bad a conversationalist. It turns out that the guy worked in a major investment bank and earned one huge pay packet. He had two cars. This one was his own, the other one was given by the bank. He was quite the conversationalist and the light actually brought out his thoughtful chin. He spoke with both hands which seemed quite charming. And personally dropped me at home, even chit chatting with dad and enquiring about his fridge magnet collection.'
'It was just after a week after we began dating that he told me about the new job offer which did something to do with credit cards and all. It never actually got into my head. But the long and short of it was that his salary doubled. He proposed to me and I accepted almost instantly. We had a church wedding and friends tease me that he was in no ways the dream guy that I always wanted. To them I always give the same answer. When the priest asked us to make our vows I said that I promise to be married and then whispered "till debt do us apart."

The man with half a brain.

It was a dark night as most nights should be. The rains had kept people home. The local train had but one passenger who seemed intent on blending into the background. The station approached and this portly little businessman stepped in. He looked at the stranger and stared at his strange little hat. the train gained speed and another person jumped in. This man seemed friendly. the kind of guy you could get into a conversation with. The businessman took out the mid morning newspaper. He had a crossword to finish. There were but two words to go. Deciding that safety in numbers was good he went and sat down next to the man with the cap, and was joined by the somewhat friendly person. He had a kind of a smile, a smirk on his face. The capped man tried more to blend into the background.
The businessman turned to the crossword and realised his mistake. 2 across was bed not cot. That did it, everything fit in. This was so annoying. Now he had an 1/2 hour journey with nothing to do. The friendly man was searching in his windcheater pocket for something, so he picked up the newspaper and began reading it loudly. Generally this was a good way to begin a conversation. The first few pages had been covered in the morning paper so he turned to the local news. Yes this was interesting. The headlines read 'man with half a brain'. He began reading aloud "Man, this is too much. theyre taking this circulation thing too seriously. Man with half a brain. hrmmph" The man with a cap shifted uneasily. The friendly man seemed interested.
The businessman read "October 25th Mumbai. Employees at the SES nursing home received the shock of their life when they came to work to see the night duty doctor murdered. a thorough research recovered the body of a compunder. Both seemed to be killed by the same instrument. a blunt screwdriver driven through the right side of their head. The only patient at the hospital was found missing and is suspected to have also been murdered, though his body has disappeared without a trace". the train pulled up at the station and the businessman hoped to get hold of tea at some stall. He suddenly realised that his audience were intently listening to him. This could be fun.
He began" and it further says the patient was admitted because he had lost all control of his body. The left side and right side of the body had begun working independently of each other. Things had reached such an extent that the left hand began attacking the organs on the right. Apparently he had become insane. The doctor had attempted to restrain the patient. However he somehow got out of his restraints. Things reached a head when they found him lying on the floor in a pool of blood with a screwdriver pierced into the right side of his head. The doctor did all he could save him, but he drifted into a coma. It seemed he would never come back. They had all but given up on him. The police suspected that the same killer had killed all three people. The forensic report said that he was a left handed person, who was decently tall and had super human strength to cause wounds of this nature. Infact he would have to be pretty burly to drag of the patient as he too was quite tall."
The businessman stopped reading then and there. The man with the cap had begun shaking, almost trembling. The friendly looking person also noticed this. He called the businessman to the other side where they could keep their distance. In this rains you could never say what disease he was carrying. Another station had passed. The businessman had forgotten about the tea. It was just two stops to his home.
By this time the person with the cap was visibly sweating. He took out a rather large hankerchief and wiped his face. he had big burly hands. The businessman decided that he must complete the article. This was just too interesting. This time he read out in a much lower voice " the police were most surprised to find the doctors desk neatly rearranged. The only addition was a message 'The revenge of the man with half a brain'. score: 2"
Any other time, this news would have been treated most disdainfully and he'd have proceeded to take a nap till his station. But the trembling man, made it more and more difficult to ignore him any longer.
"Hello boss, Are you catching a cold or something." There was a faint mumble which they decided was a no. The businessman decided that some humour was necessary. Clearly the news had affected this poor guy. He spoke in the general direction of the friendly man but actually meaning it for the other person " Man with half a brain. You'd require half a brain to believe these things. Yellow journalism, I tell you. What will these people come up with next? "
It was then that the capped man turned. there was a scar running all across his right cheek and he had the hollow look of a dead man. He'd have laughed if he'd seen such a person on some horror show. But this was real life and he gulped. The man with the cap got up and walked to the door. Suddenly it struck him. He turned to the friendly guy, who nodded with a grave expression.
Normally he was considered a vry mild mannered man. But there were instances when he had been unexpectedly brave. the killer had to be stopped at all counts. the friendly guy made the first move and pounced on the killer who pushed him off quite easily. He croaked " Whats wrong with you?" The businessman then used all his weight to ram the killer. he slipped but held onto the door frame with one hand. The businessman used all his force to push him away. For an instance the killers face came close to him and he croaked "Take all my money, but spare me." There one final tug and the killer was off the train. Trying to bribe him with money was he. he bent down to pick up his cellphone which had popped out during the tussle. There was a missed call fom his wife. Wait till she learnt all that he had to say. But first he must thank the friendly gentleman. he half turned to see a glint of something metallic moving his way at a speed that was humanly impossible, a maniacal laugh and then a sharp shooting unbearable pain and then nothing.
The train pulled into the last station. A young group of college students got in. The foremost guy jumped into the train before it stopped. He was gently reprimanded by a gentleman who was in an equal hurry to get down. He ran to the corner seat and turned to the other window and screamed and shouted as if in a frenzy. His friends ran to his aid and were equally shocked. The bravest amongst them moved towards the body slumped in a pool of blood. The dead man was half clutching a newspaper. He then noticed words clumsily written on the wall of the compartment in blood. " The revenge of the man with half a brain. score:4".

The mallu quandry

'To be or not to be' . Bold words by a mallu. His accent may have betrayed his true intentions but none could mistake the look in his eyes. Could deliverance have deceived him. could he have come this far to be betrayed by the unholiest of sights. Nothing had prepared him for what he was facing. He braced himself and there it was relief. Never again would he drink a glass of water before leaving home. Never again would he trust the government to satisfy his most basic needs. He had learnt his lessons. Life is after all a tough taskmaster.