Monday, January 30, 2006

The legend of Chubby Pandey - A children's story

Disclaimer: The characters in this story bear no resemblance to any person living or dead. Any resemblance is purely incidental. Any action (physical or otherwise) against the author shall be dealt with by legal action.
It was the year of 1857, in the country of cocoa land. Milk chocolate country (MCC) had taken over cocoa land. MCC was ruled by a queen famed for her beauty and cullinary skills. Chubby Pandey, a cook in the queens kitchen was most aghast when he discovered that the new pellets for the chocolate cake were to be made of white chocolate and not dark chocolate, something he so desired. The ancient rulers of the land were the Peshwas, a direct descendant of whom was PRji Rao Peshwa. Chubby Pandey prostrated before the Peshwa who enjoyed people making a fool of themselves in this way. Anyway Chubby complained to the Peshwa about the land bein full of dark chocolate and the fact that he wasn't gettin any (chocolate guys, plz this is a children's story). Anyway PRji contacted his cook Mankie Tope who did nothin but sleep all day. PRji was anyway bored of readin commando comics the whole day n for want of anything better decided to declare war on MCC. Since Mankie couldn't find his ladle in the mess he called his kitchen, it was decided that time would be bought through a strategic alliance with the emperor of Cherry land.
The emperor sent forth his son and fiercest cook, Chetta Shah Suffer to the battleground which would be the grand kitchen of the palace at Caulicut a small port town in Karela land. Chetta having travelled the length and breadth of this land on his tricycle was most confident of victory. The battle started with Chetts unleashing ware after ware of his most delicious cuisine. But the queens cook, mysteriously hidden behind a mask outdid Chetta time and again. By this time Mankie retrieved his ladle from his kitchen which was a mess (which is how the word mess originated) and joined Chett's in all out war.
But try as they did , they were no match for the skill and expertise of the queen's cook. Time and again they were put at the mercy of the cook's ladle till Chetts finally took out his tricycle, put mankie on the back seat and they rode into the sunset.
It all came down to Chubby Pandey. as a sign of his faith in Chubby, the Peshwa pulled Chubby's cheeks and appointed him as his new general. Henceforth he would be known as Cheeku Chubby Pandey, and as a token of respect awarded him the land of Googly woogly woo.
Chubby took his place and then began the battle in earnest. The queens cook decided to start with Vindaloo (which is a goan delicacy). Anywayz Chubby soon had the measure of his opponent and with speedy hands began making the thick paste which was his delicacy. The chefs sliced and diced to within an inch of victory but at the end there was really nothing to differentiate them. The queen of MCC and PRji Peshwa who by then were pretty much in sync judged the dishes to be on par. Thus ended the first battle immortalised in history as the 'Battle of Vindaloo'.
The next morning began with apple pie from the queens side and Black forest cake on the Peshwa's. Renewed with vigour and dark chocolate, chubby seemed to be in top form. The queens cook meanwhile seemed too much engrossed in Chubby to focus on cooking. Chubby popped his cake into the oven pre-heated at the right temperature a minute before the queens cook. The crowd waited with bated breath for the oven timer to ring. As the minutes passed by so did the tension. Just then both the timers rang simultaneously. Chubby's cake was looking nice and round like him but the queens cook had mistimed the cooking. Chubby most noble in victory offered his opponent a piece of his cake. The cook removed the mask as the crowd gasped. It was the princess of Milkshake country . She thrust forth her hand and took the cake.
It was luv at first bite. She looked deeply into Chubby's rolly polly face which had turned into a deep shade of crimson. The crowd looked around to see the judges decision to find out that PRji Peshwa and the queen had slipped out for a Pizza.
The story did not end there. Peace was brought on by the marriage of PRji to the queen who was a damn good cook, so he lived happily ever after. While Chubby and the princess got their own little bakery in Googly woogly city where they lived happily ever after. As for the people they were most happy to eat n sleep the whole day and they all lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story: ' Cheeks ho to Cheeku Chubby Pandey jaise, warna naa ho'